I think we can establish one thing very clearly: this past year has been about so much more than B____. Yes, he has been the jewel in my crown of hard-won, day-to-day faith, but this past year has been about a complete overhaul of my life, my faith, and my self. It’s really no wonder I’ve gotten so weary, that it’s taking a good bit of time to manifest my vision: goodness, there’s not one area of my life – physical, emotional, financial, mental, spiritual – that is being left untouched in this massive remodeling project called my life. It really doesn’t make much sense that I can’t make myself watch those HGTV flipping houses shows for the vicarious anxiety it dredges up: after all, my whole life is one big flip. I mean, budget concerns, great vision, messes galore, rotten foundations that have to be blown away, unexpected complications, going over budget for the tenth time in one sense or another, and the inevitable point when you’re standing in the middle of the rubble, totally unable to picture the soothing butter yellow you were going to paint the house, and thinking, “Dear God, what the hell have I gotten myself into?”
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And how to flips work? How do they actually happen the way you pictured it when all you see are gaping holes in walls and floors, gutted bathrooms, dust everywhere from the necessary demolition, and one more complication you just can’t see your way out of to just finish the damn thing?
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Faith. And faith. And still more faith.
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