My date with Alan has come and gone. He wasn’t the One. And I have to admit to a relief at that. The name for one thing. That was the source, the locus, for all the bad feelings I was struggling with – how could I be destined for an Alan? Every time I would think of his name before the date, I would inwardly cringe and think, “He can’t be the One.” And then I would have to overwrite those thoughts. But I was also relieved when I saw him for the first time. It’s never a good sign when your first thought is, “Well, maybe it’s the light.” But also how he was during the date – all the things I didn’t want: easy-going to the point of laziness, letting several cuss words drop on the first date (hello! first impressions, anyone?), the sense that he didn’t really want to hear what I had to say. We got into a political discussion about the upcoming elections and the state of politics in general, and though he was passionate about it, he was persistently negative, and gradually I got the impression that as my political education wasn’t as thorough as his, he really didn’t value my opinion. And when I did offer devil’s advocate opinions or statements, as I love debate, he seemed less interested in a real discussion or debate than merely an audience for his opinions.
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All in all, it was a date that had all the hallmarks of a bad date. And yet, I was light as a bird on the drive home. If I didn’t get my true wish that my next date be with the One, I got my next dearest wish: I truly saw and understood how simple it all is. Dating is really so simple. Early on in the date, and several times throughout, I had the distinct thought, “I really hope he’s not the One,” which effectively makes him not the One. But that didn’t make me despair or feel awkward or uncomfortable. I was patient until we left, and then we walked out of the restaurant and I smiled up at him and said I’d had a fun conversation with him, and thanked him. I could tell he was taking my signals and he said thanks, too, and then I said, “Take care,” and strode off to my car with head high and tail twitching. And I was able to see dating is really that simple. You go out with someone, commit to a couple of hours of your evening, to get to know them, to see if you’re interested in finding out more about them enough to go on a second date, and if so, you give them you’re number. If not, you smile, thank them, and walk away. So simple. It doesn’t have to traumatize you. It doesn’t have to be a failure. It’s just what you do till you stumble on the one who makes you stay there. So I did get one thing I visualized. I get it now. I get how to date. And I didn’t have to go on a great date to get that. In fact, I think I needed the not-so-good date to really show me that.
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And the absolute greatest thing about the experience was that as I got in my car to drive home, my greatest fear didn’t materialize: that a bad date or just a date with someone who wasn’t for me, didn’t send me into a tailspin of despair. It had absolutely, totally, and completely no bearing on what was still the truth: my perfect mate was out there. Still waiting for me. Still destined for me. We would still meet, and meet soon. As I drove away, still in my date clothes and still with the smell of Bravo’s in my nostrils, this date and this man who was so not for me, was already years and years in the past for me. In fact, by the next morning, barely twelve hours after the date, I had to struggle to remember what his face looked like. And I realized that men I dated would no longer loom in my mind, menacing with the bad memory they inspired. That date, unlike all other dates I’ve ever been on, took its proper place in that two hours of one evening. In the past, a date would have, in my reflection, bloated up far beyond its actual time and would have still been nudging me days later. But no more. I could, by the following morning, look back on the date and see it occupy merely two hours, and then it was over and done with. I love perspective! I love love love it! May I be showered daily with it! Thank God for that perspective. It truly freed me! I can now face more dating with no fear. I did wonder afterwards why this wasn’t the date, after I had used the Secret so well for that very thing. After all, it had seemed to be the thing all those days were leading up to. It had the echo of the questions I had initially about the TowneBank disappointment. Then it immediately occurred to me that this date and the preserved hope and more complete perspective that followed it took away all my years-long fear of dating. I can go into a date now and be free and relaxed. And that is the greatest gift I could have been given with dating, aside from the gift of the date. So yet again, still, the Secret worked out in the best way.
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So let’s see what the next great thing to come to me will be!
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