Dangerous Thoughts - 2-12-09

This is dangerous – dangerous to give free rein to my thoughts when they are so twisted with horror and dread and hopelessness. There is no way out. There is no one who can help me. I’ve been driven in my misery to do things I’ve never done before and some I thought I had put behind me: smoking, drinking in the evenings, cutting myself to create an outlet where there is none for the sheer weight of the pain, contemplating – dreaming, really – of suicide to escape since it seems all doors have slammed shut. Where will this go? I ask with trepidation.