What is the "Nicole Project"?

February 24, 2010

My name is Nicole. I am a warrior. I am a fighter. I am steel tempered from iron, smelted from coal. And I have seen who God is.

These blog entries are predated. They show my journey from dreamer who had stronger fantasies than backbone to a stubborn, obstinate woman I am proud of.

Much of my path since the beginning of 2008 has been determined by discovering The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne. I am a Christian who was always skeptical of New Age-type stuff. But I always wrestled with God, never understanding how faith worked practically. I couldn't get past my analysis and questioning and need-to-knows to simply believe. The Secret helped me understand God better.

I wanted a way to chart my journey, so I kept a journal, beginning October 2008. It never occurred to me to keep a blog until now, February 2010, because I thought my journey could help someone. I have seen how serendipity exists - it's one of the tools in God's arsenal. My heart is bared here as the scarred, human thing it is, but I think there is also a great deal of hope to be found in my story. I'm only partway through it, but I'll keep adding to it.

This blog begins when I was beginning to sink in my misery at my job. I had tried to get out but what few teachers are ever told is that it is NOT always easy to find a job, at least not a transfer. And this all happened just at the economy was really hitting the skids, so getting out was harder than usual. I am a well-rounded, accomplished young woman, 30 years old for a few more weeks, smart, articulate, intelligent, pretty, kind, warm, great sense of humor, hard worker, caring. And I had always been alone. I had never been in a relationship, although I have tried numerous dating methods. It's a long story behind this, although suffice it to say that no one has ever understood why. I'm just not like other people. I'm a chameleon, a wonderful mimic. I look like I fit in and do it so well that it often feels right. But I had to come to accept that there are just parts of me that didn't fit. I think if you ask anyone who knows me, they'll tell you the same thing: that I am very cool and sweet, and not quite like anyone they've ever known. It was an oppressive uniqueness, and over the years, my aloneness became an obstacle that seemed to grow. Little did I know the amazing wonder of what I would find.

If you are comforted or inspired or helped by anything I wrote, then this bumpy road I'm on will have done some good. And I am grateful.