Oh, my God. I can’t believe it. I am in love. It has actually happened. This is not one of those numerous visualization entries. This is happening now, this day. It is here.
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His name is B____ M____, and he is me, in pants. We already share half a brain. And what makes this so incredible, aside from the obvious, is that a matter of days ago, I had no idea he actually existed. Then he found my profile on Match.com and emailed me and the rest will be history.
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And the kicker is that I haven’t even met him in person yet. We’re going on our first date tomorrow night. I have fallen in love with his mind, his personality, his character. And he ain’t bad-looking, either, I can tell you that! He is funny as hell, honest, decent, clever, funny, ambitious, kind, gentlemanly, funny, chivalrous, mature, easy-going, grounded, and funny. He is a lawyer who is in it to help people. Our jobs are so similar. He can really understand my situation. He’s been there, but he, like me, is at heart an optimist, always wanting to believe the best in people.
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He has so many of the qualities I wanted in a man. He has a large, close-knit family locally based, he makes a good living and probably could support me. He is all the qualities I mentioned above and the most amazing thing is that from talking on the phone with him, I truly think he would not only understand my values and my virginity, but value it as I do. It didn’t come up, of course, but it’s a definite comfort I have in that regard. And as a prosecutor for Newport News (ironically he works a few miles away from me), he deals with violent crimes all day, so I would imagine he would truly value my innocence, my inexperience, my virginity as an antidote to what he deals with all day long. I always wanted to be that for someone, but never thought to articulate it, even to myself. He also is concerned about me working in that part of town. He said, “I don’t even know you, but I just want to give you a hug! You shouldn’t be working there!” And I felt all warm inside. He is protective already. He really would be good at taking care of me, and at the same time, he is cool and easy-going and doesn’t give the impression at all that he would be intimidated by my smart, independent side.
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B____ is 6’5”, 210 lbs, size 15 shoe. He never put himself down, which is a real turn-off for me, but he clearly has a sense of humor about it. But I love it. I love that he’s so much bigger than me. Already, though his voice and his emails, I feel surrounded, protected, and safe.
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I am amazed. I am just astounded. My cheeks have been hurting for two days because I can’t stop smiling – grinning, more like. I couldn’t help myself – I told my friends, and they could all see how giddy and grinning and happy and giggling I was. I can’t wait to be able to go public with him, with all my friends and family – they will fall in love with him. He’s just so sweet and outgoing and smart and funny and good! And even though I told myself I’d wait till I had actually, you know, met the guy before telling people about him or saying I was in love – I couldn’t. from everything I know of being in love, even though I’ve never been in love before, this is it. I have never felt this.
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And like another visualization entry, I am so looking forward to tomorrow night. B____ just makes me so comfortable. I’m not nervous at all. I keep thinking, in fact, “Do I have to wait all day till I see him?” Now that is astounding.
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What’s so great is that my friends who have known me the longest, Analiese, Annie, Rachel, and of course Jessica, all really know how big this is. They know how significant it is that I, who have never made the first move, was the one to give B____ my personal email, then my number. I was the one who actually said we should hang out. And I’m glad. I’m glad that first move was me because it really showed me how natural this felt.
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I’m like all those people who are in love whom I always just watched before. I check my email constantly, grin and giggle at the thought of his hilarious emails, daydream about him. Ever since yesterday morning – God, was it just yesterday? – when I read his email where he said “Everybody’s Changing” by Keane is one of his all-time favorite songs and I flippantly called my mother on my way to work that I had to marry this man – ever since that moment, I was gone. He is the one. The One. He is my husband. I’m now thinking about the wedding, the kids, the family holidays where I’ll knock this take-out-raised kid’s socks off with my cooking. I won’t tell him all this yet of course. But he’s just as into me, I can tell. He took his profile off Match.com right after we talked on the phone last night for the first time, and he called me “hon” in another email which made me want to dance a little jig. He is not looking anywhere else, but he’s not rushing me. He’s genuinely content just to get to know me and go at my own pace. Amazing. Unbelievable. Miraculous. I think I may just get a fall 2009 wedding after all.
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I actually woke up last night – after taking 3 melatonin – at 2:45 from thinking about him! He woke me up! I am in love. Honestly, if he asked me to marry him tomorrow night on our first date, I’d say yes. I’m in love. I’m in love!
